Should You Be Talking To Your Ex?

We’ve all had our hearts broken by someone who once was our everything. Someone with whom we created a life together and promised each other to stick around no matter what. That’s why losing them stings.

Post-breakup, many people succeed and completely move on from their ex. The reason? They started talking to their ex and found the closure they needed. Meanwhile, others have remained in the endless and impractical cycle. One reason? They start talking to their ex.

So what exactly is the recipe to follow?

Should you be talking to your ex?

This question right here is a no-brainer: it’s best not to stay friends, at least for the time being. Don’t try to stay friends or even communicate with them until enough time has passed, you’ve stopped romanticizing the relationship, or you’re completely over them.

Let your heart heal first and get used to the idea that you’re no longer together—let that fact stick in. Reconnecting even before the flame dies down is trouble. Talking to your ex might sometimes make it more difficult to start over or let go of the past.

Why you shouldn’t be talking to your ex:

1. Starting all over again

It takes a long time and effort to move on. Getting over to the idea of a forever with someone you cared for is a struggle. It’s a complete mess, to say the least.

This journey is incredibly challenging, and talking to your ex will break your progress. If there are still some feelings, don’t try to talk or even reach out to them. Otherwise, there is a good chance that unresolved emotions will resurface.

2. Your hopes rise up, again

Talking to your ex unnecessarily raises your hopes up again. You start hoping, secretly wishing, that you’ll get back together. 

Being in a talking phase with your ex even before you move on from them makes you romanticize your past. In turn, this prevents you from seeing other people romantically because you are too focused on rekindling the ‘what once were.’

While closure is necessary for you to move on, sometimes, it’s best to have this when you’re almost there. Do this when you’ve already purged your ex out of your system. Until then, don’t even consider the idea of connecting with them.

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3. You keep holding on to the past

If you are still clinging to what’s left—the memories you share with them—then talking to your ex shouldn’t be an option. Being in contact with your ex, holding on to what was, and remembering the ghost of your relationship makes you want to relive the good times.

Seeing your ex once more or hearing their voice again wakes that hope up. That tinge called hope reawakens. Undoubtedly, clinging to something that no longer exists is a waste of time and effort.

4. You revisit the past more than necessary

Graduation, friends, co-workers, or family reunions are nice for a reason. Going back and staying for a night—or the entire month—can be nostalgic.

However, if you come back every weekend and invite everyone to do the same, you’ll be like that strange old guy who can’t let go of the past. The same holds true for your previous relationship.

Reliving the past brings about nice feelings, but remember that some things are just better when you let go of them.

5. You keep blaming yourself for what happened

Part of what makes breakups so difficult is that one-half of the couple typically blames themselves for what happened. If that’s you, remind yourself that, in some ways, your relationship’s ending is a blessing. It teaches you that great things can come to an end. In the same pipeline, your breakup is also an opportunity for self-growth.

As such, maintaining or attempting to communicate with your ex in the hopes of getting a second chance is a mistake. You’ll only wake up with the same worries and fears you had the day before. You’ll only be stuck in limbo if you start talking to your ex again.

6. You’ll be in an endless cycle

Albert Einstein once said that insanity is doing the exact same thing repeatedly and hoping for a different result. This statement rings true for couples that get back together after a highly toxic relationship.

You broke up because you can’t stand or hurt one another. But then you reconnected and want to get back together, just because you miss talking to each other. You decided to forget all the yelling and hurting, just like that.

Heck! That kind of relationship is toxic.

If your body and mind are still delicate, don’t let anything or anyone that has damaged—and might damage—them come closer. Protect your heart and keep it isolated until it’s free from pain. Stay away and don’t reconnect until your system no longer craves the presence of your ex.

Stop repeating the same mistake! Break the cycle to keep your sanity.

7. It stops you from being completely free

Each time you try talking to your ex or work to make contact, you siphon off the energy needed to seek new love and life experiences. You block other people’s chances of getting to know you because your attention’s focused on your ex. Instead of investing in better connections, you drive away a wonderful person and destroy a potentially great relationship.

Also read: What Interracial Dating Teaches You

Remember, friend…

Our previous relationships are either something we want to forget or don’t want to relive. It could even be something that has taught us many lessons or shaped us into the people we are today. In any case, if you know you haven’t completely moved on from your relationship, it’s not a good reason to start talking to your ex.

Reconsider talking to your ex and remaining friends only when your eyes no longer lights up when they are nearby, or your body no longer seeks their warmth.

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